The # 1 Reason We Engage in Hot & Cold Relationships
Inconsistent relationships thrive on intermittent reinforcement, like slot machines, where sporadic "hot" periods create addictive anticipation. Initial intensity fosters strong positive associations, making subsequent "cold" periods anxiety-inducing. We chase the fleeting "hot" to relieve this anxiety, hoping for a return to the beginning. While behaviorist techniques offer temporary relief, existential psychology emphasizes aligning relationships with personal values. By pausing to reflect on whether a relationship provides pleasure, peace, or purpose, we can choose to disengage from incongruent patterns and seek authentic connections.
What is Sensate Focus?
Sensate focus, a core technique in psychological sex therapy developed by Masters & Johnson, blends mindfulness and gradual exposure to address sexual anxiety and improve intimacy. It involves structured touching exercises, shifting focus from goal-oriented sex to sensory experiences. While it may resemble CBT, its foundation lies in mindfulness, an approach predating CBT. By focusing on present-moment awareness and non-judgmental observation of sensations, sensate focus helps clients manage anxiety related to touch and intimacy. It's a versatile tool for various sexual difficulties, including body image issues, erectile dysfunction, and orgasm disorders. Existential psychotherapy, while often addressing underlying psychological concerns, recognizes sensate focus as a valuable, complementary method, making it a "Swiss Army knife" in sex therapy.
3 Ways Mindfulness Accidentally Increases Attraction
Mindfulness, often associated with new-age practices, surprisingly enhances attraction. It's about being fully present, focusing on the "now," which directly translates to attentive interaction. When someone makes you feel like the center of their world, it's captivating. In our distracted lives, genuine, focused attention is rare and highly valued. Mindfulness cultivates this: slowing down, providing undivided attention, and offering non-judgmental listening. These actions signal control, interest, and acceptance, all unconsciously attractive qualities. By being present, you offer a rare, meaningful connection, making you indispensable. Even seemingly "average" past partners who initially captivated you likely tapped into these principles. Mindfulness, beyond its therapeutic uses in sex therapy, creates authentic, attractive interactions.
5 Reasons Narcissists are Attracted to You
Dating a narcissist often starts with intense charm and flattery, a whirlwind of attention that feels like a dream. But this "Prince Charming" facade quickly crumbles, revealing a pattern of subtle degradation, manipulation, and gaslighting. You're left questioning your sanity, walking on eggshells, and losing your sense of self. Narcissists, driven by entitlement and a fragile ego, seek partners who boost their self-esteem, often targeting attractive, successful, or empathetic individuals. They exploit kindness and prey on those with past trauma or narcissistic parents, creating a cycle of abuse. Recognizing these patterns—lack of empathy, exaggerated self-appraisal, and a need for constant validation—is crucial. Though recovery is challenging, it's possible to reclaim your authentic self and break free from this cycle of abuse.
Adult manifestations of childhood sexual abuse
That friend who repeatedly chooses harmful partners might be reliving past trauma, not making conscious choices. Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) can leave lasting effects: diminished boundaries, a heightened need for acceptance, and difficulty recognizing danger. These traits lead to relationships mirroring the abuse, where "assertive, but nice" men exploit her vulnerabilities. Seeking love, she tolerates disrespect, mistaking familiarity for affection. With 56% of women in sex therapy reporting CSA, it's clear this pattern is common. Understanding these roots is crucial. She can break the cycle, learn to value herself, and choose healthy relationships, though the journey requires incremental, yet monumental, change.